End of the Road

“Did I give in too much, or was it never enough?”

            -Wooly, Breathe Carolina

                Can you give up too much? Can you invest too much of yourself in something? Isn’t that passion, though? Putting your very heart and soul into a life style, shedding sweat and tears for a belief. You give everything for your passion, and thus you become defined by your passion.

                I dedicated my life to this, not knowing where it would take me. It was an incredible journey. A painful, magnificent one that has left me in awe. It was like a hike through a grand wilderness, in search of something unexplainable, following footsteps barely discernible. I knew this was taking me somewhere, and the journey forged me into a new man. Yet years in, one day I found myself standing at a cliff, the ocean churning far below. It was a beautiful vista, with the most brilliant sunset across the most breath-taking horizon. But there were no more footsteps. Was this the end of the road? Or was I supposed to jump? I don’t know.

                So I turned away, for I was not willing to give up everything to drown at the bottom of some shore or to sail off into the sunset. I want something else. Something more for me. Now it is some time later, and I stand somewhere else.

                I wonder to myself, did I wear myself out? Can you be too passionate about something? Can you give up too much of yourself for someone? Cause I did.

                But was it enough? Was everything I gave enough, or was the cost greater than what I could give? The cost always required more, as all passions do. You must continuously feed your passions, and like an addiction, they must be fed more and more if you wish them to burn brighter and spread farther. My identity has been forged by my burning passion. And now, as I turn my back on this passion, do I deny myself, or was my passion already forcing me to deny myself? These are too many questions.

                All I know is that I am pursing a new path, and I hope to create a more free identity. I already feel I have become a more joyful, more powerful version of myself. I choose my way, and though trials may hit me, I am finding a way to be content with all things. I change what I want and what I can. When I choose not to change something, I am learning to accept this. When I cannot change something, I am learning to accept this. When I want to change something, I am learning to take this.

                I choose a road that does not end today. I choose to pave my own way, altering the path I walk depending on what I want and what I am willing to commit. We all only have one shot at this life. This is a “once and done” deal. So I choose to live my life the way I deem to. It may not be the brightest, but it is mine. 

For every road that ends, another may just begin.